February has not been a good blogging month for me – in fact, I had to take a little break due to a very important Master’s Admissions Test, the GMAT, I decided to take end of February. In a nutshell, I did not get the score I was aiming for and now it does not make sense to apply to that particular Business School I needed the GMAT for (Bocconi in Milan). But let me tell why I am not even that sad: I learned something very important, and no, by that I am not implying that I know the squares of all numbers from 1-20 by heart now. I learned that even with hard work, commitment and ambition, you will not always reach your goals. Now this sounds super pessimistic, but the point that I want to make is that we tend to always set higher and higher goals, wanting more and giving ourselves less time to reach those goals. One accomplishment needs to follow after another, without any room for breaks, reflection or even for some failure.
Sometimes I think that I have an unlimited energy level, that I can accomplish everything I want as long as I maintain the discipline to work hard on it. And honestly, so far I always managed pretty well. This time however, I overestimated my capacity. I gave myself less than one month to study for a test that should be studied for at least 2-3 months. Meanwhile, I was applying for internships and other master programs. Meanwhile, I had to move out of my sublet apartment and search for a new place to stay, because the tenant broke up with her boyfriend and had to move back in. Meanwhile, I did not want to give up going to the gym or working on my Instagram. I was so pumped up the whole time, I could not take breaks or allow myself to get enough sleep to restore some energy.
A couple of days before the test, I knew I was not well enough prepared. I knew that I had given myself not enough time (I actually could have taken a later test, but thought one month should be fine…), and I knew that this might end up pretty bad. With a required minimum of 600 points to apply, I got 590 points. Funnily, I was not upset though, since I saw it coming. This is what I got for doing all this stress to myself, voluntarily – for wanting to be such a stubborn overachiever. Failing so close was a message, saying that I should take it easy on me from time to time.
I will not stop being ambitious and committed to my goals in life, but I learned to not be so strict to myself – to allow myself to breathe, reflect and distract myself from time to time. Ironically, I believe that this will help me to stay focused.
// I’m Wearing:
T-Shirt – Pull & Bear (Men)
Skirt – H&M
Fishnet Stockings – Caro Daur x Calzedonia
Bag* – ADAX (get here)
Cardigan* – S.Oliver
Boots – ZINDA
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